Catching Up

It has been a very crazy week.  The begining of the week was my son and daughters birthday.  Both born on the same day.  Combine that with packing up my son and sending him away to college and things get really busy.  My daughters new birthday present then wreaked havoc on my computer and I am most likely going to have to reformat the hard drive.  Because of this I haven't been able to post my journal or visit others.  Hopefully with the long weekend ahead I will be able to reslove all of these issues and take a ride out to Montauk on my motorcylce.  (Hey I dream big!)

The "Nice Matters" award has been posted on Magic Smoke.  Here is the link to the web site I created.

                                   

and to the new Open Journal

http://journals.aol.com/attitudeslc/because-nice-matters-award-journ/

Next week I will cover a bit more on the details of the award, how to create it, and other interesting things.  (should my computer comply to my requets.)

Where be ye going, you Devon maid?

"Where be ye going, you Devon maid?"

by Emily Dickenson

 

Where be ye going, you Devon maid?
And what have ye there i' the basket?
Ye tight little fairy, just fresh from the dairy,
Will ye give me some cream if I ask it?

I love your meads, and I love your flowers,
And I love your junkets mainly,
But 'hind the door, I love kissing more,
O look not so disdainly!

I love your hills, and I love your dales,
And I love your flocks a-bleating;
But O, on the heather to lie together,
With both our hearts a-beating!

I'll put your basket all safe in a nook,
Your shawl I'll hang up on this willow,
And we will sigh in the daisy's eye,
And kiss on a grass-green pillow.

Life's Not Fair!!!!

                 

       

 

My eldest child Michael was outside playing with three of his friends when he was about four years old.  I hear one of the kids yelling "That's Not Fair!"  Michael, at the ripe age of four yells back "Life's Not Fair!"

I have no idea what had happened, the boys worked whatever it was out quickly and without my help. I did learn that my son truly paid attention to what he was being taught and by the example that I tried to set. 

(This particular lesson was that life is not fair.  Bad things happen to good people for no apparent reason.  Complaining about it does nothing.  DO something about it, when you can, to change the situation, or DEAL with it the best you can)

On Monday Mary from Just Mary Commented and said:

Here is the main problem I see, as I stated on a comment I left about mistreatment of others on a different blog a while back, many adults(that is where kids learn it from) articulate one thing, but do another. We can talk about kinder, gentler people & love your neighbor, but it doesn't help unless we SHOW this to children.  I mentioned on the other comment I left for someone that I once watched someone mistreat a handicapped person, & the man doing the mistreating was wearing a T-shirt that said Free Tibet.  Free Tibet, but screw over the handicapped?

I must say I couldn't agree more.  I have over 20 years of experience working with children and I can honestly say that I believe what kind of example you set is the most impresionable lesson you can teach a child. 

If you say one thing and do another, they will see it. 

If you want children to grow up and do the right thing, then you better be prepared to do the right thing yourself, no matter how hard it is.

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte

     If children live with criticism,
               They learn to condemn.
          If children live with hostility,
               They learn to fight.
          If children live with ridicule,
               They learn to be shy.
          If children live with shame,
               They learn to feel guilty.
          If children live with encouragement,
               They learn confidence.
          If children live with tolerance,
               They learn to be patient.
          If children live with praise,
               They learn to appreciate.
          If children live with acceptance,
               They learn to love.
          If children live with approval,
               They learn to like themselves.
          If children live with honesty,
               They learn truthfulness.
          If children live with security,
               They learn to have faith in themselves and others.
         If children live with friendliness,
               They learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

 

Lyrics to "Watching You" by Rodney Atkins

Driving through town just my boy and me
With a happy meal in his booster seat
Knowing that he couldn't have the toy
Till his nuggets were gone
Green traffic light turned straight to red
I hit my breaks and mumbled under my breath
His fries went a flying and his orange drink covered his lap
Well then my four year old said a four letter word
That started with "s" and I was concerned
So I said son now now where did you learn to talk like that

[Chorus one]

He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We got cowboy boots and camo pants
Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I've been watching you

We got back home and I went to the barn
I bowed my head and I prayed real hard
Said lord please help me help my stupid self
Then this side of bedtime later that night
Turning on my son's scooby doo nightlight
He crawled out of bed and he got down on his knees
He closed his little eyes, folded his little hands
And spoke to god like he was talking to a friend
And I said son now where'd you learn to pray like that

[Chorus two]

He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We like fixing things and holding mama's hand
Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I've been watching you

[Bridge]

With tears in my eyes I wrapped him in a hug
Said my little bear is growing up
He said but when I'm big I'll still know what to do

[Chorus three]

Cause I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
By then I'll be as strong as superman
We'll be just alike, hey won't we dad
When I can do everything you do
Cause I've been watching you

Learning & Experience

It is said that experience is the best teacher.  But what lessons do we learn?  Experience isn't always a mindful teacher.  It some times leaves our lessons open to varied interpretations.

Different experiences can teach us different lessons.  Additionally, our beliefs, background, and our mindset will determine how we interpret the lesson.

For example if you tell a child not to run on the pavement in flip flops because they will trip, and then they trip and skin their knee, that lesson is very clear. The child will learn not to run in flip flops.

However let's take that situation and apply different circumstances to it.  Let's say the child only owned flip flops.  Lets also say that the child rarely, if ever, was afforded the opportunity to play outside.  You give the child the same warning.   Depending on if the child obeys or not can afford a plethora of out comes.  He may obey and be content just to be outside.  He could be resentful that he can't run.  He could be inspired to find a way to get shoes that he can run in.  He may run and fall and be happy for the skinned knee as it is a trophy to remind him of his outdoor experience.  He could be angry he fell because he didn't have proper shoes.  He could be angry at others who are able to run because they have shoes and lash out against them.

Experience is a fickle teacher.  Teaching children when they are young how to learn from their experiences, both good and bad, will help them learn skills that will help raise their Emotional Intelligence which will help them cope better with adversity as an adult.  Teaching children (and those who act like children) how to view experience from different points of view is an amazing and valuable tool that will open to learning about change and diversity.  Often times the experience doesn't even have to be their own, it can be a friends, relatives or even your experience they learn from, which is just, if not more valuable.

 

Learning.

If I ride my motorcycle to my office and I want a cup of coffee I have to walk two blocks to get it.  I love the walk.  Gives me a few minutes break to clear my mind.  Learning popped into my mind.  I was trying to think of a topic to cover this week and various journal/blog posts have been touching on the same thing... learning.  Some spoke of back to school, others of lessons their children are learning the hard way, and others wondering if their children will ever learn.

So, this week shall be about learning.

As I was walking, I thought mostly about how hard it is being a child.  I believe it is more difficult now then it was when I was a child, but all in all, childhood is hard!

One of the posts I came across that really highlighted this to me was Marlene over at "One Day At A Time" who wrote :   I am watching Michael Phelps and his mother  being interviewed.  He is telling stories of how he was always bullied and picked on throughout his life.  Well  to everyone that picked on this kid,  he can finally say "PFFFFT."

I didn't get to see this interview but I wish I had.  As I watched Michael being interviewed after his race's I was touched by his humility, grace and thankfulness.  He was so sincere.  I thought to myself that this kind of genuine response is something that often times is learned the hard way.  According to Marlene it seems I was correct.

It is unfortunate that children often times are the brunt of others cruelty.  Many schools are trying to institute programs to correct it however, it is unlikely that we will ever live in a perfect world and be completely free of bullying. 

I believe the key lies in not only teaching children not to bully others, but in teaching children how to handle bullying as well.

From the look and sound of it, it seems Michael Phelps mom did a pretty good job of it.  It is not an easy process and takes years.   As a young mother I wanted to protect my children from the cruelty of others words. I did not want them to have to suffer like I had to.   Little did I know that I would have a father in law that would undermine this at every turn. (I remember once he asked my two year old son when he was going to grow up.)  I would not be able to escape this. 

I quickly learned that it would be impossible to protect my children from the cruelty of others, but I was able to teach them what I learned on how to deal with it.  When the boys learned how to do this, they were better equipped when they went to school and the children's words had less of an effect on them.  I found it was more difficult to help my daughter with this then it was my sons as girls tend to be more emotional, however, she learned also.

So, how do you teach a child to deal with others cruelty.  Here are some suggestions.

1.  Access what the other is saying.

Is there any truth to it?  If there is... perhaps you need to change your behavior.  Children are brutally honest and often times don't know of a nice way to say something.  Sometimes we need to change our behavior.  If not, acknowledge that there is nothing wrong with you and move on.

 

2.  Find your happy place. 

(They were always surprised at how well this one worked.)  Ignore them.  Don't listen. Don't respond.  They want you to be upset and respond.  If you don't.  They will stop.

 

3.  Do not drop down to their level.

Do not respond to them by insulting them or putting them down.  Do not join in if they are being mean to others.  Do what you can to help others who are being treated cruelly.

 

4.  Understand where they are coming from.

Many times cruelty stems from something that has nothing to do with the person one is being cruel to.  Understanding that ones cruelty towards you really has nothing to do with you, and all to do with them, can go a long way in dealing with the word and actions that you experience.  It won't stop the person being cruel.  It will change how your respond to it.

 

5.  Talk it out.

Sometimes the pain hurts so much that you can't even think straight to do any of the above.  That's OK too.  Come home and talk about it.  Cry about it.  Yell about it.  Once you are through that front door of your house, you have found sanctuary.  Here you are loved and we will help heal the pain.

Saturday post on Sunday

Usually I try to post something funny on Saturday but I couldn't. I was having a hard time with the internet where I was.  While looking for pictures on decissions, I came across the following picture.  Had to share it with you. 

Decisions:

 

Tags: Decisions.

The Spider and The Fly

I thought with the recent post on decisions, this poem might be appropriate:

The Spider and the Fly
Mary Howitt

Will you walk into my parlour?" said the Spider to the Fly, 
'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy; 
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair, 
And I've a many curious things to shew when you are there." 
Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "to ask me is in vain, 
For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again." 


"I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high; 
Will you rest upon my little bed?" said the Spider to the Fly. 
"There are pretty curtains drawn around; the sheets are fine and thin, 
And if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in!" 
Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "for I've often heard it said, 
They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed!" 


Said the cunning Spider to the Fly, " Dear friend what can I do, 
To prove the warm affection I 've always felt for you? 
I have within my pantry, good store of all that's nice; 
I'm sure you're very welcome -- will you please to take a slice?" 
"Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "kind Sir, that cannot be, 
I've heard what's in your pantry, and I do not wish to see!" 


"Sweet creature!" said the Spider, "you're witty and you're wise, 
How handsome are your gauzy wings, how brilliant are your eyes! 
I've a little looking-glass upon my parlour shelf, 
If you'll step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself." 
"I thank you, gentle sir," she said, "for what you 're pleased to say, 
And bidding you good morning now, I'll call another day." 


The Spider turned him round about, and went into his den, 
For well he knew the silly Fly would soon come back again: 
So he wove a subtle web, in a little corner sly, 
And set his table ready, to dine upon the Fly. 
Then he came out to his door again, and merrily did sing, 
"Come hither, hither, pretty Fly, with the pearl and silver wing; 
Your robes are green and purple -- there's a crest upon your head; 
Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!" 

Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little Fly, 
Hearing his wily, flattering words, came slowly flitting by; 
With buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer drew, 
Thinking only of her brilliant eyes, and green and purple hue -- 
Thinking only of her crested head -- poor foolish thing! At last, 
Up jumped the cunning Spider, and fiercely held her fast. 
He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den, 
Within his little parlour -- but she ne'er came out again! 


And now dear little children, who may this story read, 
To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne'er give heed: 
Unto an evil counsellor, close heart and ear and eye, 
And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly.

The Spider and the Fly
Mary Howitt 

 

Additionally, you may want to check out the illustrated childrens book by Tony DiTerlizzi.  It is enchanting.

Tags: Decisions, The Spider and The Fly

Decisions

Today at motor vehicle, as I sat waiting to hand in my paper work to have the "M" added to drivers liscence, I sat and watched the news and information ticker provided to keep you occupied while you waited.

One of the topics was (I couldn't believe it!) how to make a good decision!  LOL.. They were close... but missing a few things.  Check out Magic Smoke today.

The Radio Show

For now the show is on hold.  Which is fine.  It is a wonderful venue and I am hoping to revisit it in the near future, however, for the time being, it is just not meant to be.  The time came when I had to make a decision and that decision was to wait a bit longer before continuing. 

Often, making decisions can be very challenging.  I have developed a system over the years that has helped me make difficult decisions with some sort of confidence.  I am going to share that with you tomorrow over at Magic Smoke.

For now a brief update on the "Nice Matters" award.

I am in the process of creating four web pages that will be home to the nice matters award.  I will be attaching them to my web site, for now, with one quick easy link that will bring everyone to the Nice Matters Award web site.  (I wasn't ready for the expense of ordering a new domain name.)  Boy prices have gone up since I ordered mine!  I have created the sticker that is easy to use with an Avery label or a sticker maker and a certificate that should print out nicely with most word processing programs.  The only thing left to do is clearly state the guidelines and finish the FAQ page.  I am fairly certain I should be able to finish this by next Thursday.

Tags: Decisions, Magic Smoke, Nice Matters

Quick Up Date

Just a quick update to let you know how things are going.  I have been diligently working on setting up the web site for the "Nice Matters" award.  I did do a lot of the prep work for it, however I was unable to actually start creating the site because I wasn't sure as to what the color scheme for the layout would be until the award was chosen.  Setting up the lay out, entering the information and creating the links is taking a bit longer then I had hoped.  Because of this I need to push off the unveiling until August 20. 

Also, if you are have the adobe acrobat program and know how to use it, I may need some help.  So if you are out there and interested, please drop me a note.  Also, If you, or anyone you know, have the ability to translate into other languages and would be interested in translating the Nice Matters Award information into other languages, please let me know.  (This I believe we have time to do. LOL)

Tags: Nice Matters

Friday Poem

When We Two Parted

by George Gordon, Lord Byron.

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow--
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame;
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shrudder comes o'er me--
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee so well--
Long, long I shall rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met--
In silence I grieve,
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?--
With silence and tears.

Perfectly Magic

Well, I was very excited to announce this weeks winner of the Logo award winner.  I am still working on get the site up and loaded so that everyone will be able to have the award at the click of a mouse button.  I have done the research to try to set up a web separate web site just for Nice Matter award.  It would not be cost effective nor time effective for me to do that.  So... I am working on creating a link to my web site and one that everyone will be able to use and embed in their blogs.

I want to thank everyone for their support and interest in this award.  I can't wait till next week to have everything unveiled.

Some Inspiration

As I have eluded there is much going on in my life.  This is very exciting and also very challenging.   When doors open and you are about to step over a threshold it causes you to pause and reflect on all that lies before you, and all that lies behind.  You must understand that in order for something new to happen, something must change within you.  You cannot keep doing the same thing, in the same way and expect different results.

As a life coach I challenge my clients to look inside themselves and discover what it is they must do differently in order to create the life they wish to manifest.  I also believe that in order to coach someone through a process one must have applied the process.  I believe in living by example.

Are standing before a decision today or in the near future?  If so... let me take you through the process that I put myself through.  You will be more clear about what you want.  You will know where to find your answers to the questions you have.  Your confidence will be raised so that you can feel secure in your decisions.  And, if you must leap without a net, you will have the wings to soar.

Yesterday, I shared with you my new endeavor.  I didn't realize until late last night that I didn't include the link.  http://www.universal7radio.com/Home.php

I am still deciding on a day and time but it is looking like Wednesday evening or Saturday afternoon.  You will also be able to listen live via the Internet.

 

Radio Show

 

                                            

There is a very good possiblity that I will be hosting a radio show in the up coming fall.  It will be out of Rhode Island but is availibe via live feed on the internet.  The show will most likely be on Wednesday evening at 10:00 pm.  The radio station is Universal 7 Radio and it's mission statement is "to bring to the Radio and the Internet positive, inspirational, and hopeful shows that will empower mankind!"  It is right up my ally.  I am very excited to be partnered with such a sation.  Additionally they have quite some line up of hosts that I am equally thrilled to be connected with.

Check out the link and let me know what you think of the station.  Also, if you have any ideas on topics please feel free to offer your suggestions.

Tags: Radio, Hope, Inspire, Believe

Saturday Funnies (Math)

I kept thinking it was Sunday all day.  Friday was so long and busy it seemed like two days.  I had to leave work early to clean up a flood my daughter caused by leaving the hose on. It leaked into the basement for two days.  After using two wet vac's to suck up an inch or so of water we ran out to see a friend in a play.

Pror to this my son  asked if he could have a few of this "boys's" over. (Fraternity Bothers)

I said "Sure!  How many?" 

"'bout 20" he replied.

"That's fine" (I know they are great kids)

By 11PM there were over 100 kids in my yard!  Only one neighbor complained.  We did point out that her daughter was here.

The kids were all very well behaved and quite a few stayed over to help clean up before they left.  It was an interesting night, and a long night, but all in all a good night.  But that is the story of why I keep thinking it is Sunday.

Soooo here are todays funnies:

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________


OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die
______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he willchange, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

<?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = U1 /> 

 

Friday Poem

            

Two In The Campagna

by Robert Browning.

I.
I wonder do you feel to-day
As I have felt since, hand in hand,
We sat down on the grass, to stray
In spirit better through the land,
This morn of Rome and May?

II.
For me, I touched a thought, I know,
Has tantalized me many times,
(Like turns of thread the spiders throw
Mocking across our path) for rhymes
To catch at and let go.

III.
Help me to hold it! First it left
The yellowing fennel, run to seed
There, branching from the brickwork's cleft,
Some old tomb's ruin: yonder weed
Took up the floating wet,

IV.
Where one small orange cup amassed
Five beetles,--blind and green they grope
Among the honey-meal: and last,
Everywhere on the grassy slope
I traced it. Hold it fast!

V.
The champaign with its endless fleece
Of feathery grasses everywhere!
Silence and passion, joy and peace,
An everlasting wash of air--
Rome's ghost since her decease.

VI.
Such life here, through such lengths of hours,
Such miracles performed in play,
Such primal naked forms of flowers,
Such letting nature have her way
While heaven looks from its towers!

VII.
How say you? Let us, O my dove,
Let us be unashamed of soul,
As earth lies bare to heaven above!
How is it under our control
To love or not to love?

VIII.
I would that you were all to me,
You that are just so much, no more.
Nor yours nor mine, nor slave nor free!
Where does the fault lie? What the core
O' the wound, since wound must be?

IX.
I would I could adopt your will,
See with your eyes, and set my heart
Beating by yours, and drink my fill
At your soul's springs,--your part my part
In life, for good and ill.

X.
No. I yearn upward, touch you close,
Then stand away. I kiss your cheek,
Catch your soul's warmth,--I pluck the rose
And love it more thantongue can speak--
Then the good minute goes.

XI.
Already how am I so far
Out of that minute? Must I go
Still like the thistle-ball, no bar,
Onward, whenever light winds blow,
Fixed by no friendly star?

XII.
Just when I seemed about to learn!
Where is the thread now? Off again!
The old trick! Only I discern--
Infinite passion, and the pain
Of finite hearts that yearn.

Tags: Poetry, Hope, Love, Inspire, Believe, 5659