More on "Judgey" people

More on the "Judgey People"

 

The judgmental come in all shapes, sizes, colors and genders.  They come in categories as well.  Many of them gravitate towards one category, but that does not mean they do not wander vicariously into others.  When dealing with the judgmental it is often helpful to imagine you are a director on a movie set and ask yourself "what's their motivation?"  Knowing what their motivation is will help you to decide what your next move is.

 

Yesterday I discussed the various categories their motivation comes from and I would like to discuss each category in depth. 

 

Before I do that however I would like to say something important about the "judgey people" in general.  Unfortunately the ones who seem to feel the most entitled to share their opinion with us are those we love and or trust the most.  This is why their judgmental opinions are highly caustic and at times emotionally devastating. 

 

In general we want these people to think the best of us at all times, or at the very least give us the benefit of the doubt.  Judgmental people tend to jump to conclusions, shoot first, ask questions later and worst of all think the worst of us before knowing all the details.  When coming from someone whose opinion we thought we respected, or from someone we love dearly the emotional wounds can cut deeply, and often leave nasty scars.

 

Here are some quick first aid tips for dealing with these types of people:

 

1.  Access what they are saying to you.  This step is important because usually we feel that there is some truth in what the person said.  Think about what they said, is there any truth to it whatsoever? 

 

~ If so, is it something that you agree with?  If you agree there is some truth to the opinion, you have the option of addressing it on your own, or asking for more input from the person who offered their opinion.  If the person offered their opinion in a manner that was offensive with you, you have the obligation to yourself to let the person know that they were disrespectful to you.  Let them know also that in the future they should find a more positive way to share their feelings with you.

 

~  If their opinion was a big bucket of hogwash, you have all sorts of options open to you, first and foremost, give yourself a pep-talk!  You are allowed to be your own best friend.  Remind yourself of all the reasons the offensive behavior isn't true.

 

2.  Protection.  Often times the people who are most offensive to us are those closest to us.  The saying  "The best defense is a good offense" goes a long way here.  Find ways to avoid discussions and occasions where the Judgmental will feel the need to share their opinion.  If the opportunity doesn't present itself, then there will be no prospect for a judgmental decision.

 

3. Set Boundaries  Remember you do have the right to respectfully let people know that you are not interested in their opinion and would like it if they keep it to themselves.  This gets difficult when it is an elder such as a parent, aunt, uncle, or grandparent.  You are however a grown adult and as long as they are no longer providing you food, shelter and clothing, you really do not have to allow them to attack your self-esteem.  You can respectfully ask them to either stop sharing their opinion all together or ask them to find a more positive way of presenting it.

 

4.  Use a bit of Irish Diplomacy:  "Tell them to go to hell so that they look forward to the trip" or "Tell them to go copulate with themselves.  VIGOROUSLY!"

 

Reader Beware: The Blogs that follow will have topics that are meant to challenge you.  The idea behind them is to help you deal with judgmental people.  They also may challenge your own judgmental side.  Various topics will be presented that may truly test your limits. Consider it an exercise.  An exercise that I hope you will enjoy.

Tags: Judgmental People, Inspiration, Rights, Action, Tolerance

"Judgey" week with Rosemary

Judgey Week with Rosemary:

 

I would like to give a special thanks to Mary from "Just Mary" for naming this week "Judgy Week with Rosemary."  Mary has a gift with words that she thoughtfully shares with us in her Blog http://journals.aol.com/frankandmary/JustMary/.  I love the term "Judgey" and I pirated it from her.  Thank You Mary!

 

Dealing with Judgmental People

 

Judgmental people can be among the most challenging individuals to deal with.  They seem to believe that their own personal beliefs apply to all.  They also believe it is their mission to educate and enforce said beliefs without regard to others feelings.

 

I grew up and lived with more then my fair share of judgmental people.  Besides, kids, family, and neighbors, I had a Mom that could have written a book on how to be judgmental.  Fortunately she didn't apply it me and me alone, oh no, she shared the misery with all!  She thought that if you did not agree with her opinion, you were dirt. 

 

Here is a small anecdote to illustrate the situation: My mother always had short hair and for as long as she could, she made me keep my hair short.  When I was thirteen she no longer had control over my hair and I let it grow.  She never stopped reminding me that she liked my hair better shorter.  The night before she died I was visiting her in the hospital.  She had just finished complaining about the nursing staff, (another long judgmental story) when I was saying good-bye to her.  The last words out of her mouth were "I like you hair much better when it's short, you should cut it."  Those were thelast words I remember my mother speaking to me.

 

Dealing with Judgmental people can be stressful and painful; however, if you are equipped with the proper tools, it can actually become entertaining.

 

The first step to dealing with Judgmental people is to put them in their proper category.  I have found that "Judgey" types of people fall into five categories.

 

They are as follows:

 

1.  The Ignorant and/or Lazy:  These are the type of people who are either completely uninformed, or accept the opinion or teachings of others without any real knowledge or research.  These people never question the rules and are the first to say "that's not fair!"  They assault you with their personal beliefs and have the uncanny ability to make you feel worthless, even though you know they are horribly wrong in their assessment.

 

2.  The "Holier Then Thou:  These are the people who truly believe they are better then everyone else.  These are the people who know the rules forwards and backwards. They believe they follow the rules to the letter and that everyone else should do the same, with no exceptions. They know the right way to do everything, and they also believe it is the only way to do everything.  It works for them so it should work the same for everyone else.  These people present themselves as caring.  They believe that what they are doing or saying is for your own good.  They honestly believe that what they are doing or saying is important and that you will thank them later for saving you from yourself.

 

3. The Reformed:  These are the people who frown upon your behavior because they no longer engage in said behavior.  These types of people could be reformed alcoholics, drug users, smokers, over eaters, workaholics, etc.  They get preachy and will use whatever method necessary to get you to listen to them.  They and can get overly demonstrative in their zeal to convert you to their beliefs and they may also resort to embarrassing you in public.

 

4. The offended: This type of person is jealous or they take personal offense to whatever behavior they are judging you for.  They tend to either shun you or talk behind your back.  Dealings with this type usually are from a third person.  They tend to have a bit of paranoia and low self esteem.

 

5. The Prejudice:  This last group is a combination of all of the above and can be created in two ways.  One, they were brought up to be prejudiced.  Two, they were a victim of circumstance.  These people either had their belief drummed into them at a very early and impressionable age; or they experienced events or situations that seemed to support a belief or stereotype held by their family or social group.

 

Over the next several days I will break down each group with more specific behaviors, and offer ideas on how to deal effectively with each type. 

Tags: Judgmental People, Frustration, Inspiration,

Dealing with Judgmental People

Next Weeks Topic:  Dealing with Judgmental People

It has been an interesting week for me with an overall theme, both at home and in various   It seems that many of us, myself included have had to deal with some judgmental opinions from others.

 

I think next weeks theme will be some coaching techniques for dealing with "Judgmental People."

 

At the beginning of this week I put a clip in my Blog from my favorite movie "Dangerous Beauty."  With the topic of Judgmental people at hand, I would like to share the clip below.  I think it will be an interesting backdrop for the subject ahead.

 

The scene below takes place after Veronica Franco had seduced the French King and secured his help in Venice's war against the Turks.  Veronica is considered a national hero, to the men at least.  The wives were uneducated and knew little of what went on in politics or the world.  Veronica was summoned by her former friend, Beatrice, to a gathering of the wives of Venice.  They wanted to learn what was going on in their world.  Some wives were judgmental, some grateful.  The particularly pinched faced nasty blond is Guilia, is the wife of the man that Veronica loves, and ultimately willing to die for. 

 

Enjoy!

 

 

Tags: Judgmental People, Inspiration, Patience,

Seduction At Its Finest

 

The untitled poem below was written  by an Anonymous poet in the Eighteenth Century.  I think it should be entitled:

 

Seduction At Its finest

 

I gently touch her hand: she gave

A look that did my soul enslave;

I pressed her rebel lips in vain:

They rose up to be pressed again.

     This happy, I no father meant,

     Than to be pleased and innocent.

 

On her soft breasts my hand I laid,

And a quick, light impression made;

They with a kindly warmth did glow,

And swelled, and seemed to overflow.

     Yet, trust me, I no father meant,

     Than to be please and innocent.

 

 

On her eyes my eyes did stay:

O'er her smooth limbs my hands did stray;

Each sense was ravished with delight,

And my soul stood prepared for flight.

     Blame me not if at last I meant

     More to be pleased then innocent.

 

Note from the blogger: Such seduction I have known!  I wish the same to you.

Tags: Poetry, Seduction, Hope, Believe, Breathless

What the.....?

 What the *%# is a MeMe?

Just resecently I learnd that those e-mails that get sent around asking a ton of questions are called a "MeMe."   I always enjoy reading others and I usually respond to them.  I also enjoy when others post theirs on their blog's.  I decided to share my most rescent with you.

Here goes:

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?                                           I was named after my mothers sister.  She was named after a Vaudeville performer

 2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?  

Today.  I believe it is important to cry often.  Its cathartic

 

 3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? 

Yes!  I love it.  I tried hard to develop a nice one. 

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? 

Salami
 
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? 

Yes

 6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? 

Yes.  Definitly.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? 
I apply it where appropriate.  There is someone I love dearly who is able to use it as a deadly weapon.  He is like a ninja.  You never see it coming, yet you are dead nonetheless.  It's a painfuldeath too.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?

Yes.

 

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? 

No.  Bad Back

 10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? 

I'm coo coo over Cocoa Puffs

 

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?

Never.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? 

Yup.  It's a fact, but not on my own.  Friends, Family and a Deity help.

 13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? 

Soft Serve Vanilla in a cup with chocolate sprinkles

 14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? 

Their posture.  It says a lot about how they think a feel about themselves.

 15. RED OR PINK? 

Reddish Pink

 16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?  

Having to constantly watch what I eat.

 

 17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? 

I plead the 5th.  They know who they are.

 

18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? 

No shoes and black and white leopard print fleece pants.

 19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?  

Does the glass of wine I am drinking now count?  Otherwise a slice of fresh mozzarella.

 20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

My daughter's sleep over.

 

21. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?  

Moss Green

22. FAVORITE SMELLS? 

Chardonnay. My lovers skin. A rose.  The air right after it rains.  Chocolate.

23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?

My niece Malinda.

24. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? 

DUH!  ( I thought this was a fairly good MeMe till this question popped up.)

25. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?  

Baseball, The Yankees!!  I also enjoy men's high diving.  If you want to know why, ASK.

 

26. HAIR COLOR? 

Red

27. EYE COLOR? 

Blue/Green

28. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? 

Yes

29. FAVORITE FOOD? 

Cheese, any kind

30. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Happy Endings

 

31. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? 

Miss. Potter (EXCELLENT!)

 32. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?  

Green

33. SUMMER OR WINTER? 

Fall

34. HUGS OR KISSES?

Kisses

 

35. FAVORITE DESSERT?

Chocolate Molten cake with vanilla ice cream.  (Ruby Tuesdays has the best!)

36. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? 

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

 

37. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

A black and white sketch by Escher.

38. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T. V. LAST NIGHT?

Miss Potter

39. FAVORITE SOUND?  

My lovers sigh

40. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? 

Stoned Beatles.
 
41. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?

Home is where I am, so I am always there, BUT if I have to answer geographically, California.

 

42. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? 

Yes.           'nuf said!? :::wink:::

 

This MeMe asked you to answer each question using the first letter in your first name:

 

What is your name?   Rosemary

4 letter word:  Rose

Vehicle:     Rolls Royce

TV Show:  Roseanne

City:     Rockville Centre
Boy Name:    Ritchie

Girl Name:     Roxanne

Alcoholic Drink:  Rose Wine

Occupation: Reservation agent

Something you wear: Restraints

Celebrity:  Robert Redford

Food: Recess Peanut Butter Cups

Something found in a bathroom: Rogue

Reason for Being Late:   Rendezvous (secret)

Cartoon Character:   Roger Rabbit

Tags: MeMe, Inspiration, Believe

Seduction: Step Three

Your last coaching assignment was to come up with a list of things that you are passionate about,  both in the past and present

 

Now that you have the list, lets go to Step Three:

Dissect the list.

 

That right.  Dissect it.  Pull it apart piece by piece. 

 

Look at each item on the list and describe it in detail.  Explain where you were, how old you were, what you were doing, where it happened, and why you enjoyed it. When did you stop pursuing it?  Most importantly describe how each thing made you feel and why.  This exercise should take a good amount of time too.  It could take weeks, but I will give you till next Wednesday. 

 

For now, let me give you and example of my own...

 

When I first did the exercise my list was abundant.  I will give you a brief list of the things that made me passionate when I was between the ages of 12-19.

 

~ Dancing

~ Kissing

~ Writing

~ Roller Skating

~ Reading

~ Travel

~ Going places alone

~ Meeting new people

~ Trying something new

~ Competing in Public Speaking

~ Acting

~ Swimming

 

I then dissected the list according to the guidelines above.

 

Here is one example.

Swimming.

 

Where was I?

I grew up in Florida.  It was always hot and there was water everywhere.  EXCEPT in my backyard!  Everyone had a pool except me.

 

How old were you?

This passion lasted until I was about the age of 25.

 

What was I doing?

Swimming anywhere and anytime I could.

 

Where did it happen?

Mostly in Florida, but whenever I went anywhere, I was the last one to ever leave the pool.

 

How did I feel when I was swimming?

I felt free.  No one was there next to me.  I could go underwater and everyone would disappear.  I was a very good swimmer.  It didn't matter how tall you were.  How heavy or skinny you were.  I didn't matter how pretty or ugly you were.  The only thing that mattered was if you could swim.  If you could swim you had control over yourself and your life.  There was freedom and control in the water.  It relieved not only the mind, but the body.  No matter how hot it was outside, it was always cooler in the water.  The overall feeling was relief and freedom.

 

Now its your turn.  Dissect!

 

Next Wednesday we will discuss Step Four.

Tags: Dissection, Passion, Seduction, Inspiration, Believe

Seduction (recap)

 

Last week we talked about Seduction and Passion.  

 

 I said that if you live your life with passion, your life will have purpose. 

 

For some people this can be a challenge so I broke it down into steps.

 

Step One:        Define Happiness  (August 14)

Step Two:       Make a list of things you enjoy, or used to enjoy.

Step Three:    Discern you passion.

 

Tomorrow we will discuss step three in more detail.  Make certain have spent some time doing steps one and two so that you will have the ground work laid for step three.

 

See you tomorrow!

Tags: Sex, Drugs, Rock&Roll, I just wanted to see if anyone actually read this.