Saturday Funnies (Math)

I kept thinking it was Sunday all day.  Friday was so long and busy it seemed like two days.  I had to leave work early to clean up a flood my daughter caused by leaving the hose on. It leaked into the basement for two days.  After using two wet vac's to suck up an inch or so of water we ran out to see a friend in a play.

Pror to this my son  asked if he could have a few of this "boys's" over. (Fraternity Bothers)

I said "Sure!  How many?" 

"'bout 20" he replied.

"That's fine" (I know they are great kids)

By 11PM there were over 100 kids in my yard!  Only one neighbor complained.  We did point out that her daughter was here.

The kids were all very well behaved and quite a few stayed over to help clean up before they left.  It was an interesting night, and a long night, but all in all a good night.  But that is the story of why I keep thinking it is Sunday.

Soooo here are todays funnies:

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________


OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die
______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he willchange, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

<?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = U1 /> 

 

Friday Poem

            

Two In The Campagna

by Robert Browning.

I.
I wonder do you feel to-day
As I have felt since, hand in hand,
We sat down on the grass, to stray
In spirit better through the land,
This morn of Rome and May?

II.
For me, I touched a thought, I know,
Has tantalized me many times,
(Like turns of thread the spiders throw
Mocking across our path) for rhymes
To catch at and let go.

III.
Help me to hold it! First it left
The yellowing fennel, run to seed
There, branching from the brickwork's cleft,
Some old tomb's ruin: yonder weed
Took up the floating wet,

IV.
Where one small orange cup amassed
Five beetles,--blind and green they grope
Among the honey-meal: and last,
Everywhere on the grassy slope
I traced it. Hold it fast!

V.
The champaign with its endless fleece
Of feathery grasses everywhere!
Silence and passion, joy and peace,
An everlasting wash of air--
Rome's ghost since her decease.

VI.
Such life here, through such lengths of hours,
Such miracles performed in play,
Such primal naked forms of flowers,
Such letting nature have her way
While heaven looks from its towers!

VII.
How say you? Let us, O my dove,
Let us be unashamed of soul,
As earth lies bare to heaven above!
How is it under our control
To love or not to love?

VIII.
I would that you were all to me,
You that are just so much, no more.
Nor yours nor mine, nor slave nor free!
Where does the fault lie? What the core
O' the wound, since wound must be?

IX.
I would I could adopt your will,
See with your eyes, and set my heart
Beating by yours, and drink my fill
At your soul's springs,--your part my part
In life, for good and ill.

X.
No. I yearn upward, touch you close,
Then stand away. I kiss your cheek,
Catch your soul's warmth,--I pluck the rose
And love it more thantongue can speak--
Then the good minute goes.

XI.
Already how am I so far
Out of that minute? Must I go
Still like the thistle-ball, no bar,
Onward, whenever light winds blow,
Fixed by no friendly star?

XII.
Just when I seemed about to learn!
Where is the thread now? Off again!
The old trick! Only I discern--
Infinite passion, and the pain
Of finite hearts that yearn.

Tags: Poetry, Hope, Love, Inspire, Believe, 5659

Nice Matters Final Vote

The final vote for the Nice Matter Logo award begins today.  In the mean time I am working on making all materials availible for free to all who are interested.  Additionally, if you do not want to download and create your own I will have them availible for a very low cost of whatever postage and materails will be.  I am guessing it will be about $3 to $4 dollars for a kit of about 10 awards, but I am still working on that. 

Stop by Magic Smoke and vote!

                                                    

Tags: Nice Matters, Inspire, Believe, Hope

...and world peace.

I have spent quite a bit of my time over the last month reading and researching about some of my new endeavors.  During that process I came across a couple of organizations I would like to bring to your attention.  Today I would like to highlight the "Treaty For World Peace".

 

This is an organization committed to propagating world peace.  It's easy and free to join.  They actually don't want your money at all and they say it!

 

They simply ask that you to sign their Goodwill Treaty and display it in an area where everyone can see.  Then fax or e-mail a copy of the agreement to them.  Additionally if you have a blog, journal or web site they ask that you display their banner and links on it. 

 

It's that simple!  Take a look by clicking on the link below and if it is something you feel strongly about please join me and sign the treaty:

            

 

 

 

Tags: World Peace, Nice Matters, Hope, Believe, Spirit

Nice Matters Plans.

I am very excited to unveil the "Nice Matters" award that we will be able to share with our friends, families, co-workers, and perfect strangers.  We are all sharing in picking the final logo design which is very exciting to me.  By Thrusday August 6, 2008 we should have the final votes in and our Logo decided upon.

Once that is completed we can then start sharing the award. 

I am currently creating a certificate that will presented with the logo sticker.  There will be three options avaible to obtain copies of this award.

1.  Make photo copies of the blank award you were given and pass them on.

2.  Print out the award by visiting the web site (I'm creating it) and clicking on the "Nice Matters" Logo.  You can print out all the materials needed to create your own "Nice Matters" award presentation kit.

3.  Call, write or e-mail me to obtain a "Nice Matters" award package.  This is basically free of charge.  There will be a nominal fee to cover printing and postage.

Tags: Nice Matters, Hope, Believe, Pay It Forward

I'm Back!

Dear Readers,

 

I am officially back!  It has been a month since my last real entry and there has been much excitement in my life since then. 

 

While I was gone I took two weeks of vacation.  I also worked diligently on the "Nice Matters" concept which I will share with you this week.  Additionally I have been researching and testing two new products that I am very excited about and will share with you in the days to come.  Last I have been entertaining the possibility of my own radio show and reality series episode.

 

I am also way behind on reading journals.  I promise to stop by soon, if I haven't already.

 

For now, here are some pictures from my life during the last month.

 

I got my hair cut, which I do two times a year whether I need it or not.

 

I went to the Yankee Game on the 4th of July with my husband.

 

I went to a party with my kids

 

My daughter Emily started a face painting business. Here is some of her art work.

And last but not least, I thought this was so cute.  My 20 year old son couldn't resist playing with the toys soldiers from one of the goodie bags at the party.  He didn't know i was taking this picture.

aoljpictureUpload, aoljpictureUpload_7

Don't Forget!

Well I returned from vacation, and am playing catch up.  I thought I would be ready to start getting back to J-Land on Monday, but my back log of work has been overwhelming.  Additionally I have three really big,  very exciting, projects going on in addition to my launching of the "Nice Matters" award.  I'm looking forward to sharing all of this with you very soon and catching up with all of your journals. 

Don't forget to stop by Magic Smoke today and vote!