A Tribute

My sister passed away January 9, 2008

We had been estranged for the last five years.  Five years ago, when I had to ask her to step out of our lives because her drinking problem had started to affect our lives, I felt more sperated from her then I do now.

We had my sister cremated immediately and then we had a quiet mass on Saturday morning.  I planned the funeral with some help from the spirit, and my sister. (yes AFTER she passed)  Her 8 year old Grandson Davis did the first reading, Emily sang the responsorial psalm, did the second reading and sang a blessing acapela.  The grandchildren brought up the gifts. 

 

I did her eulogy.  This by far was one of the most difficult things I had to write.  Not because of the pain of her loss, that pain happened long ago.  I also believe that she is more so with me now then she was when she was a live.   This was difficult because it was important to me to celebrate the beautiful person she was and still stay respectful to the deep pain she caused for those that were there paying their respects.  I was very worried, but in the end everyone felt that I stayed true to her life and respected their pain.   Below is a copy of her Eulogy in case you want to read it.

 

 

I could go on for a while about my sister, but I have strict orders to keep it under four minutes as there is a funeral following us.  My sister would take great comfort in the fact that Murphy’s law strikes again.

 

My sisters life wasn’t easy and she fought a lot of demons.  Many times those demons spilled over into the lives of those she loved.  But if you were one of the people that Kathy loved, you knew it.   Kathy’s love was abundant and visibly evident.

 

Kathy had many passions, but her first one was her most passionate.

When I was a little girl she introduced me to Ben, the love of her life, who I quickly adopted as a brother.   Even though they eventually came to the end of their rainbow, and parted their separate ways, there was never anybody else in Kathy’s heart.  She always loved Ben and respected the husband and father that he was, and is.

 

Her other passions included Reading, Television, the color Red, Smiley faces, rainbows, butterflies, music, pet names and phrases, writing and psychology.

 

If you were Kathy’s friend, you knew it, you most likely had a pet name, and she would usually use it at nausium.  She also knew what your passions were and was excited to share them with you.  In addition, if you were ever in need, she was there for you.

 

If you were someone Kathy disliked, she would have a pet name for you, use it at nasium, but it was usually imaginatively malicious.

 

Kathy’s greatest passion, and what she felt she was best at, was being a Mom.  Now, I know that many can debate this and all things are relative, but I do know that she and Ben produced four of the finest people I know. 

 

Kathy believed in not only allowing a child to dream, and believe in their dreams, she believed in doing everything she could to help them live their dreams.

 

If you wanted to be Wonder Woman for Halloween, she didn’t go the store to buy a pre-made costume. Oh no, she recreated a close to authentic copy of this from scratch, and then made sure it had a custom fit.  Even if this meant sneaking you into a hospital days after having back surgery that she was supposed to take months of rehabilitation to recover from.

 

She made sure you had movie star glasses, cork screw curls, fluffy dresses and told everyone that Shirley Temple was imitating you, not the other way around.

 

And when you created art, it wasn’t just a nice thing that you didfor her.  This was quality art work that deserved to be hung in a gallery and sold for top dollar to the highest bidder and she treated it as such.

 

She also made sure you had super man pajamas complete with a cape.  When you ran to her because you hurt yourself  running, she would comfort you and ask if you got hurt because you were running.  Then she would laugh when you corrected her and said “No, I was flying!”

 

 

No event was too large or too small for Kathy either.  She prepared for a two hour picnic or a christening party in the same way. 

 

Like she was preparing for a Nuclear war.

 

 A three hour picnic in the park required a full two days worth of preparation, we needed to make certain we had not only the food and beverages, but we needed back up food, changes of clothes, toys, books and wet wash cloths in plastic baggies to clean up with.

 

Kathy wanted to make sure that good times were not spoiled by lack of planning.

 

If my sister loved you, she loved the people you love.  I know she loved Rich and she bragged quite a bit about Dave and Ronnie and how fortunate her girls were to have met such quality people.  And NO GUY’S  I am not just making this stuff up!  She actually said these things to me!

 

She was also a very proud grandmother.  You can tell this by all of the pictures and drawings we found at her house of Davis, Mackenzie and Emerson.  These were abundant and you knew in her heart, she found joy in them.

 

Kathy and I shared a  different, and perhaps to some, a slightly irreverent view of death.  We truly believe that death is a wonderful beginning and something to celebrate.  She didn’t want people crying that she was gone, she wanted them rejoicing for her and where she was going.  She didn’t believe that she was leaving us.  She believes that she is simply transformed and with us now in a better and happier form.

 

Most recently she came to know Brendan, who called her Aunt Nana, and it was yesterday morning that Brendan expressed how I think many of us  feel about her passing.

 

I had brought over Dunkin Munchkins for him and his cousins and Brendan was running over to share them with them.  Uncle Dave jokingly grabbed the box and said that they were for him.  Brendan’s little shoulder drooped, his head sagged and he let out a deep sigh and just stood there.  He knew they weren’t gone, they just weren’t there anymore.  And this was sad.  It wasn’t something to have a melt down over, because there would still be munchkins, it was just sad.

 

Kathy isn’t gone, she just isn’t here any more.  This is sad.  Parts of her life were sad, But the beauty she held inside her, the spirit of love and giving she shared will always be with us and lives on now in her children and her grandchildren.

 

And now I save the best for last, as my sister was so fond of doing.  I will leave you with the lines from one of her favorite songs.  It was her belief that a childs spirit and imagination should be diligently nurtured.  The song was specifically about just that, however it always reminded me how Kathy saw the world.

 

"There are so many colors in the rainbow, So many colors in the morning Sun, So many colors in the flowers, and I see everyone.