A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it."
- Anon
All men who have achieved great things have been great dreamers.
- Orison Swett Marden –
Only those who will risk going to far can possibly find out how far one can go.
-T.S. Eliot
A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.
- John Shedd
Believe in miracles, but don't depend on them.
- Anon
Stopping By Woods On Snowy Evening
By Robert Frost
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there's some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
So much can be said about this poem. Is it a love poem? A poem about commitment? Does the writer wish to escape reality into the woods? Is it about focus. Either way, it is haunting. Itmakes you think, and wish, and dream.
Reality Check!
I was asked an interesting question last week. The question was “how do I turn towards reality?” I found this question haunting because it came from someone who desperately wishes to fulfill their desires. So, being a coach, I have some questions. These are for everyone to answer;
Work on these answering these questions. We will use your answers next week to do more work
We all have a story.
Often I am asked what made me choose Life Coaching as a career. Each of us has a story and the events of such, create who we are. Perhaps, if you understand some of the challenges I have encountered you will be inspired to believe that you too can overcome any challenge.
To some, my challenges may seem overwhelming, to others, they may seem like run of the mill events. I do not seek sympathy, nor do I wish to present that my challenges are as terrible as anything you may have experienced. I wish only to share with you that I had challenges and that I used many of the techniques I share with you, to overcome them and become successful.
I was born in , my mother was 42 and my father 45 at the time of my birth. This put us two generations apart, which caused a plethora of challenges. At the age of four I was the victim of an attempted abduction. At the age of 6 I was molested by my baby sitter. When I told my mother she said I was a bad girl and that it was my fault. Two other times, at different ages, when I went to my mother with a similar problem, I was told the same thing again. I traveled between New York and Florida twice a year and I was required to change schools both times. Keeping up with the different curriculums was difficult and eventually led me to be retained in the sixth grade. In addition to this, being the new kid two times a year didn’t make me very popular. I was the kid everyone loved to hate. I was bullied, teased and beaten unmercifully. Fortunately the beatings came less frequent then the names and teasing.
All through this, I knew there had to be something more. I had a deep spirituality and knew that God was with me. I didn’t grow bitter or angry. Instead I attempted to understand others and become the kind of person the people I admired would be proud of. As time moved on from sixth grade things changed slowly, I began to make friends, my grades improved and dreams began to manifest. My accomplishments grew and so did the wonderful group of friends I developed. One of my greatest accomplishments however was being able to offer help and love to those who had been cruel to me in the past. This was a gift because I was able to witness their change of heart. When someone understood me better their hate ended and was replaced with mutual respect.
This is a brief overview of some of the events in my life. There were hard times, sad times and joyful times. I wouldn’t trade any of them.
Maintaining Focus
In my opinion, perhaps it comes from personal experience, maintaining focus is the single most difficult task in creating an outcome I desire. If you did your homework and made a list of distractions, get them out now. Managing distractions comes down to prioritizing your life. Take a look at the distractions you have come up with and organize them in to the following categories.
Here is a definition of each category:
Things that cannot be ignored and must be done immediately:
Things that fall under this category are things you must do yourself and you must do it now. BE VERY CAREFUL WITH THIS! It is best if you are able to make this list your shortest list. Remember you are prioritizing! If you are a working mom and you have “do the grocery shopping” on the list, try working on some alternatives. Perhaps your husband or a teenage child (if you have one) can do it, or you could try one of the new services that many grocery stores now offer. My point is, if you put something on this list, make certain that there is no possible way someone else can help you with it. The answers to this category will be the biggest inhibitor of realizing your dream.
Things that can wait and be placed on a priority list:
Things on this list should be given a date that you will want them to be completed by and should include names of the people capable of helping you if needed.
Things that can be delegated to someone else:
Things on this list should be handed off and forgotten about. Trust that the person you are entrusting to the task will complete it. Keep your expectations reasonable so that you will not be disappointed. Remember to offer gratitude to the person helping you. This will make them feel appreciated and therefore more likely to be a trustworthy source of assistance in the future
Guilty Pleasures.
These are important and it is not necessary to do without, however weigh them against your desires and note weather they are slowing you down. See if you can incorporate them into motivating you to maintain your focus. For instance, if you are trying to loose weight and you also like to enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, set a goal for yourself. Don’t allow yourself a glass of wine unless you have completed your work out for the day. You could take it a step further and raise your accountability level. Mentioning your self imposed to another member of your family or a friend. This way, they may check on you and encourage you to stay true to your goal.
Dream killers that must be ignored.
This is anything and anyone that tears you away from your dream and working towards it. I hope that this is a short list. If its possible, cut out anything on this list that you can. If you can’t eliminate it completely, work on ways to minimize it or bend it to accommodate you, not the other way around.
Knowing what your distractions are and having a plan to manage them will greatly improve your ability to focus on your dream!
Finding Focus
To some, finding focus is quite easy and comes naturally, others find it to be quite challenging. Finding focus, is the first step in maintaining focus so that you realize your dreams. For those of you who find it challenging here are a few tips.
You must first have a very clear vision of what it is you wish to gain or manifest in your life. Work on every aspect of whatever it is you desire. In your minds eye, be able to see, feel, smell, hear, taste, touch and experience your desire. See yourself doing it. Feel yourself doing it. If you are a runner and are imagining winning a race, feel the strain in your muscles, the sweat dripping from your brow, the quickening of your pulse and the wind on your face. The better you can see your desires the easier it will be for you to maintain focus.
Set time aside each day to visualize and experience what it is you desire. If possible do this three to four times a day. This shouldn’t be a chore, it should be fun and exciting, remember you are creating the life you want!
Find pictures or draw pictures that represent your desires and place them places you are likely to see them on a regular basis. Here are some ideas of where you can place them, bathroom mirror, wallet, refrigerator, dash board, in a frame on your night stand, create a bulletin board. The ideas are endless. Let your imagination run wild!
Gaining focus will help you to stay on track when negativity seeps in or when things seem to be impossible. Tomorrow we will discuss how to maintain focus when life creeps in and tries to distract us.
The Week To Come
On Thursday we talked about focus and I left you with an assignment. We will continue to talk about focus and how to improve it. I will also share a little more about me and I have decided that Friday will be Poetry Day!
Poetry is a passion of mine. I am certain if you enjoy poetry you will enjoy my selections. I would also like to challenge you if you do not like poetry. I would be willing to bet that you will find my selections very entertaining.
Please let me know your thought on my selections.
Battle Strategy!
Recently I was asked: “What are some hints you could give to keep going, fight negativity, ignore seeming impossibility and take a turn toward reality?”
This is an excellent question and it will take a month to answer it thoroughly! This is a four part question. Allow me to break it down. (Remember our talk about mountains?)
Part 1: How do I turn towards reality?
I must respond to this with a question. Are you hoping to turn to the reality you are experiencing currently or do you wish to create a new reality? We will discussthis in depth starting the week of July 2.
Part 2: How do I keep going?
Keeping motivated and moving towards your goal, in the face of incredible odds, is challenging. Your success will lie in your focus. Focus is the topic for next week and we will discuss methods then.
Part 3: Ignore seeming impossibility?
I didn’t know there was such a thing. I do however have some age old wisdom to help you through this. I will make seeming imposibility the topic for the week of July 9.
Part 4: How do I fight negativity?
This requires a battle strategy. We discussed a number of ways in recent blogs. You will want to review the blogs from 6/11 and 6/18. ALSO, I will dedicate the week of July 16 to additional methods and ideas.
Until tomorrow, Believe! It’s all in your attitude!
A sense of humor can make even the toughest job easier!
Distance
Were you to cross the world, my dear,
To work or love or fight,
I could be calm and wistful here,
And close my eyes at night.
It were a sweet and gallant pain
To be a sea apart;
But, oh, to have you down the lane
Is bitter to my heart.
Dorothy Parker
Are We There Yet?
In 1998 I set off on a cross country trip with my family. The trip was to last six weeks, take us to California and back, and include visits to nine baseball parks, six national parks, two amusement parks and a renaissance fair. We packed up the Suburban and headed west. Two hours into the trip, which already included a lunch break, my five year old daughter pops the question, “are we there yet?” She had no understanding of the magnitude of the trip we were about to take, she just wanted to know when the fun would start.
So it is with out dreams. We want to know how long it will be before manifestation. Will it happen quickly or will it take forever. There is no real solution for this. There are however ways of encouraging progress.
The first way, as we discussed previously, is to learn how to manage the negative voices inside your head. Another way is to learn how to maintain focus. If we learn to develop unwavering focus, our desires will manifest at a more rapid pace. Focus isn’t always that easy to maintain. It is like a muscle that requires training.
Over the next several days develop a list of things that tend to distract you. Take your time and include as much detail as possible. Write down everything that comes to your mind. You may even want to carry a sheet of paper in your pocket or purse so that you will be able to jot things down at a moments notice.
If you are saying to yourself, “geeze this is too much work”, you might want to include that as #1 on your list.
We will continue this exercise next week, so do you homework!
Mountain?
What mountain?
No one said anything about any mountain!
Ok, I can hear you saying, “Rosemary, Rosemary, you told me all I have to do is believe in my dream, have faith it will happen, and be grateful that I have received it, and it will be mine”. Yes, yes this is true.
Remember this though:
Faith can move mountains, but the mountain wouldn’t come to Mohammed, so Mohammed had to go to the mountain!
Maybe you only have your dream, with no way of knowing how you are going to achieve it, this is perfectly fine. Anyone who had achieved great things never knew at the beginning how they were going to do it. They only saw the finished product and knew it would happen.
Beyond belief, faith and gratitude, there is another step. Whatever your dream is begin to act on it and live it as if you have already achieved it. Let me give you an example. Say you want to get in shape. Live your life as if you are already in the shape you wish to be in. I will explain further:
After the birth of my first son I had 45 extra pounds on me. I am only five feet tall, weighed 150lbs and was in a size 16. To be honest with you, I had always been out of shape and overweight. I felt miserable and I wanted to change so I started living like I was thin and fit. I changed my eating habits, not by “dieting” but by asking myself “Is this what I would eat if I were thin and fit?” I put pictures everywhere of girls that had the body shape I wanted so I would be able to visualize what I would look like when I achieved my goal. The pictures were also a constant reminder of my dream. They helped me keep my focus and reminded me to live as if I was already fit. I began an exercise program and when I wanted to quit, or not workout, those pictures motivated me and reminded me to live my dream.
Eight months after the birth of my first son I weighed 108lbs, five pounds less then the day I got married. A few weeks later I discovered I was pregnant, again! This was not a problem however. I continued to live he healthy life style I had developed and only gained 23lbs. I was quickly back to my 108 and eventually got down to 103 before I got pregnant again. At the age of 31 I gave birth to my daughter and afterward was in the best shape of my life!
My point? I didn’t see a way for my dream to happen. I believed it could happen. I developed my plan along the way and I broke it down into parts. Now matter what your dream is, you can do it too!
How Big Is Your Mountain?
By now if you have kept up with all of your assignments you have a pretty clear picture of what your dream is and what challenges you will have to face to acquire that dream. Look at that dream. How far away is it? How steep do you have to climb? What obstacles do you foresee having to face? If you look at that mountain as a whole it may look too steep and to difficult that may seem like a complete impossibility.
Lets take a look at that mountain from a climber position and not that of an observer. If you were going to climb that mountain you would gather all the facts you possibly could regarding height, terrain, weather, dangers and delights. You would then estimate the amount of time you might be on the mountain and pack accordingly. When you have done all of your prep work you then set off to climbing. You don’t expect to make it to the top in lightening speed. You plan your climb, you break it down into small sections with rest periods. Occasionally you may find obstacles along the way that may cause you to re-plan you way to the top, or perhaps you find an unexpected pleasure that may cause you to linger a little longer on a certain section of the mountain.
If your Dream looks like Mount Everest yet you believe in is possible, then you can achieve it. Don’t let insurmountable challenges get in your way. Break them down to smaller challenges that you can manage.
Believe! You CAN do it!!!!
Counter Attack!
A few days ago I asked you to itemize your excuses. Did you do it? This is a really important step in the process of achieving. It may sound silly, but these excuses may just wind up being the demon that destroys your dreams. These excuses are the little voices inside your head that seem like the voice of reason, but is really the enemy with in, or your Gremlin as Rick Carson describes in his book “Taming your Gremlin”.
There are a number of different ways to handle that ugly voice that tries to convince you that you would be better off staying where you are and not reaching for your dreams. One way is to itemize all of these negative thoughts and come up with a counter attack. Develop ways to ignore the voice or to come up with a way of simply shutting it up. Gagging the voice doesn’t come easy, yet the work involved will be well worth the time and effort.
The first step in shutting down your negative thinking is to take the list you developed and dissect it. Take your list and find a quiet time where you will be uninterrupted. This may take as little as a half hour or as long as a week or so. I urge you to take the time to devote to this exercise.
Take your list and answer the following questions about each statement you wrote:
Know that you are worth it and that you will succeed. Keep your eye on the prize!
Your negative voice will fight long and hard so you have to have a good counter attack. Try the exercises listed above or reading the book “Taming Your Gremlin” by Rick Carson.
As always, I would love to hear from you!
The “Law of Attraction” states that like attracts like. That being the case if you want happiness, you must be happy.
So, what makes you happy? True happiness must come from within. You can experience happiness when you are with another person, doing a certain activity, visiting a certain place, or experiencing something you have always dreamed of. This however is experiencing happiness, it is not being happy.
Happiness comes from within. It is liking who you are and what you look like. It is understanding who you are and knowing that you are honoring the person within.
Exercise: Take sometime to yourself. Imagine that everything you know is gone or unavailable to you. Your house, your loved ones, your job, your comforts, separate what you need from what you want. Imagine that you have only what you truly need to survive. Where is your happiness? Explain it clearly. Come to know it. Having this be unshakeable in the throws of tragedy and success alike will help you achieve your dream and be happy while you are doing it.
I would love to hear what makes you happy! Please E-mail me if you wish.
Poetry and Faeries!
Yes, Faerie is spelled properly. It is the proper celtic spelling of the word. And yes, I do believe!
I have mentioned that I have a passion for poetry so I thought that I would share my favorite poem with you. It was written by Thomas Moore (1779-1852) of Ireland
The Argument
I've oft been told by learned friars,
That wishing and the crime are one,
And Heaven punishes desires
As much as if the deed were done.
If wishing damns us, you and I
Are damned to all our heart's content;
Come, then, at least we may enjoy
Some pleasure for our punishment!
~Thomas Moore
Gratitude.
What do you have to be grateful for?
Maybe you are going through an ordeal right now. Perhaps a loved one has passed, or a family member is dealing with an addiction. Maybe you are facing a divorce or your partner is separated from you by time and distance. Maybe society had treated you unfairly, or worse, you feel as if you have no one to turn to.
These situations make it very difficult to find things to be thankful for, but I would like to challenge you. Each one of us has had times in our life when we felt alone and like we just couldn’t go on. This is part of life. However, the faster you recover and begin to believe that there is something beautiful to look forward to, the faster something beautiful will come.
It is important for us to feel good as often as possible. If we feel good, our health is better, our relationships are better, and our outlook is better.
The more grateful we feel, the better we will feel. Let me start with a list of things that I am grateful for and let this be a starting place for you. Read my list then list all of the things that you are grateful for.
Here is the beginning of my list.
I am grateful for:
The amazing love that has entered into my life.
The wonderful family I have, and my friends, who I consider family as well.
For the ecstasy I have known.
For my bed, pillow and blanket at the end of the day.
The ability to dance, read, sing, speak, and play.
My health and my friends and family’s health.
Twizzlers and Chocolate.
Music.
Wine.
The ability to be able to work.
Modern technology (my computer).
Flowers in the spring.
Poetry.
Harry Potter, Johnny Depp and the movies they are associated with.
Halloween and Christmas.
The ability to find things to be grateful for even in the face of tragedy.
This is only part of my list. Do you share any of the above? What do you have to be grateful for?
I would love to hear from you if you care to share them with me.
Be Blessed and Be Grateful!
Excuses are like….
rear-ends, buttocks, everyone has one and they all stink.
So you have your dream. You can see it and you can feel it. You know what you want. You may not know how you are going to get it but you have done the work that we talked about and you know what you want.
Lets pretend for a moment your dream doesn’t come true. What’s going to be your excuse? What happened? Whose fault is it? Why aren’t you were you want to be?
Take some time to write down all of your excuses. Include as much detail as possible. Use names, places, circumstances and anywhere else you imagination takes you. Include especially any worse case scenario’s you tend to imagine. Write it down!
Please feel free to e-mail me any questions or concerns you may have.
About Me.
Rather then the usual statistics that are listed on my web site I will tell you a little bit about who I am.
Last week I explained that I define myself by my friends, so I will start there. I have found that by describing my friends, I describe myself as well. I have had the most unusual and wonderful blessing that anyone could be blessed with. My friends have become friends. People, who didn’t know each other before and met because I introduced them, have become friends. They do things together, they share with one another and stay in touch because they enjoy each others company.
My friends are open minded and warm. They enjoy variety in ideas and people. They are loyal and dependable. They feel comfortable speaking the truth when they know you need to hear it and are confident you will continue to love them even still. They have faith in the human spirit and understand people make mistakes. They offer forgiveness quickly and qualify it with a warm embrace.
“A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail no matter what time of night it is, A GOOD friend is someone who will be sitting there next to you saying “damn that was fun”.
My friends are always there for me and if they aren’t sitting next to me there are only two reasons for that.
(Disclaimer: For those of you who don’t know me, I have never actually been arrested, and to my knowledge neither have any of my friends this story is just and analogy)
Most importantly my friends let me, be me!
Things I enjoy:
How do I know if I am a pessimist?
You may be a pessimist and not even know it. Many people are pessimists, yet they believe they are optimistic.
When you are driving, do you think to yourself “I hope I don’t get into an accident.”
How about when you get a new appliance do you think “I hope this one doesn’t break to quickly.”
When you start dating someone new do you think “I hope I don’t get dumped or hurt like I did the last time.”
When you meet new people, do you think “I hope they are not snobs.”
When you are driving to work do you think any of the following thoughts;
“I hope my boss isn’t an idiot today.”
“I hope I don’t get laid off today.”
“I really hope (insert name) doesn’t start in with me again today.”
These are all pessimistic thoughts. Here is what you are really saying:
I know I am going to get in to an accident on my way to buy my new appliance. Which I hate having to buy because the last one broke down and this one is just going to break down too.
And that date I made for later, he/she is most likely going to be like all the others. It will start out great and then BAM a few weeks later they have me hook line and sinker. Then they will dump me.
To make matters worse that’s when work will blow up and that big lay off will hit, then I will be out of a job on top of having to pay for the banged up car and the new appliance I just bought.
Now, I know what you are thinking, you are saying, “Rosemary, Rosemary, that is not what I said, I said I DIDN’T want these things to happen!”
And my reply: Yes I know, but you are still focusing on the getting in the accident, having your appliance break, meeting someone who will hurt you and losing your job.
A more powerful way to create what you want would be to focus on the things you DO want.
For example; “My trip will be safe, I am buying a quality piece of equipment that will last a reasonable amount of time, He/She will be different because I will be different.
Find the positive things about your work situation. Perhaps co-workers you enjoy, or even the work itself. Focus on the positives and the things you DO want. Give THEM the energy and the negatives will slowly fade away to a very manageable level.
BELIEVE AND LIVE LIKE IT IS ALREADY YOURS!!!!!
Sunday, a day of rest. If you are able, sit back and enjoy. Breath in the fresh air, find as many things as you can to be thankful for. This will help prepare you for your week ahead.
My plans for my blog this week include:
Please join me each day this week as we further explore "Your Miracle to Come" and how you can achieve it. I will also share a bit of my story with you and discuss ways to decide if you are an optimist or a pessimist, and how this can directly affect the out come of your dreams.
If you have not done the assignment for Tuesday June 5, 2007 and would like to be up to date with the coaching assignments ahead, take the time now to read back and spend some time doing that particular assigment.
No Doubt!
Have you ever heard of the “Law of Gravity?” It goes sort of like this, “If you fall off of a 10 story building you will hit the pavement." It doesn’t matter what kind of person you are, saint or sinner. You are still going to plummet to the ground and smack against the pavement. It isn’t the fall that kills you, it’s the sudden stop! The law is just a law.
I am a bit of a rebel however and believe that laws are meant to be broken or bent. There are ways to soften the blow or defy gravity. Choose your weapon, hang glider, parachute, hot air balloon, plane, I could keep going but you get the picture.
In previous Blogs we have been speaking about believing in your dreams.
There is another law, its called “The Law of Attraction”. It goes sort of like this; "If you wish it, if you ask for it, if you believe it will happen, then the law is applied and your desire will manifest itself to you."
However, rules, can be broken and so can this one. There is a very quick and easy way to break this one. In my opinion it is the EASIEST law to break. This law is broken by doubt, pessimism, or negativity. Like the pavement, your doubt is the brick wall that your dreams will smash against.
There is no room for doubt. If you already believe it is yours, then LIVE your life like you have it. FEEL how good it is to have it. Be THANKFUL that it has been given to you. Do whatever you can to squash any pessimism.
It’s all in your ATTITUDE, so have NO DOUBT!!!!
For more information on this read "The Secret" http://thesecret.tv/home.html
Because I know a few of you out there are a bit "slothful" here is a video of the first 20 minutes of the MOVIE "The Secret". There's a book AND aMOVIE!
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When someone asks you the question “who are you?” what do you answer? I’m a mother, a father, an accountant, a gardener. How do you define yourself? Do you define yourself by your job, your vocation, your passion, your hobbies?
I define myself by my friends. I am blessed to have the most amazing group of friends that anyone could imagine.
Last October I felt like my life was a drawing in an Etchasketch and God turned it over, shook it up and handed it back to me and said “do over!”
There wasn’t much anyone could do except, they all knew exactly what to do! They were there. They called. They stopped by. They wrote letters. They took me out for burgers. The brought me over fruit. They called. They listened. They said they loved me.
The abundance of their love was humbling, yet it filled me with a strength that can only be found in true love. My friends truly love me and I truly love them.
There are no words adequate enough to thank my friends. When I try to thank them, it’s almost like they get insulted. This is because they know the secret.
The secret is, where there is love, that is all that one needs, and the more you give it away, the more you get back.
Who do you think you are? Oh, you know who you are, and you know how much I love you, and how thankful I am to have you in my life! I love you and I will always be here for you!
