Dealing with the "Holier Then Thou"

Dealing with the "Holier Then Thou" folks

 

Today we continue our discussion on how to deal with Judgmental people.  Here is a brief recap of this group.

 

 The "Holier Then Thou:  These are the people who truly believe they are better then everyone else.  These are the people who know the rules forwards and backwards. They believe they follow the rules to the letter and that everyone else should do the same, with no exceptions. They know the right way to do everything, and they also believe it is the only way to do everything.  It works for them so it should work the same for everyone else.  These people present themselves as caring.  They believe that what they are doing or saying is for your own good.  They honestly believe that what they are doing or saying is important and that you will thank them later for saving you from yourself.

 

 

In my opinion this group is the most difficult to deal with.  These people usually are our bosses, parents, clergy, or some other authority figure.  They also show up in coworkers who want to be boss, neighbors or relatives who are your age or older.   They tend to be on a power trip and depend on their authority to inflate their self esteem.  Generally they tend to have very few friends.  They almost always blame someone else for anything that goes wrong with them and typically have a persecution complex paired with paranoia.

 

Handling these types of people depends on what type of authority they actually hold.

 

If the judgmental person holds a power position that could end you up in jail or without a job, you must be very careful.  Dealing with these people is an art form.  I work with a woman who is a master!   I have learned a lot from her.

 

The first key is respecting their authority.  You do not have to respect the person to respect the authority they hold.  It does take swallowing just a bit of pride.  I know this can be difficult, but if you keep in mind that there are others in a higher position the the person you are dealing with, that you can appeal to, then with practice, you will be able to keep patient.

 

Here are a few tips.

 

~ Appeal to their lack of self esteem by acknowledging their authority.  For instance, lets say you have a boss who makes your life a living hell.  They know the rules, they enforce the rules, they follow the rules. (or at least they think they do)  If you acknowledge their efforts, and make them feel good about themselves, your life will be much easier.  If they feel like they are respected, they will at the very least attempt to treat you with respect in return.

 

Now, I know what follows may seem like "brown nosing" or "kissing up" but there is a big difference.  When you acknowledge their efforts and praise their efficiency, or what ever redeeming quality they have, it MUST be sincere!  Otherwise, said authority figure, will see through your bull S*&#.

 

If you remember that these poor individuals are suffering from a horrible case of poor self esteem you will be able to keep all of this in perspective.

 

~  Request guidance.  If your boss asks you to do something a certain way, gives you a project, or implements a new rule, clarify it.  Ask for details, go over the information, ask questions about what is required.  This will show your boss that you are anxious to learn what knowledge they have and that you are doing your best to fulfill their wishes.  It also puts the burden of responsibility on your boss if anything goes wrong.

 

~  If you come up with a good idea, let them think it was theirs!  Now I can you hear boiling right now.  BREATH!  You are NOT selling yourself out to the "man", you are simply doing what you are paid to do, Make the boss look good.  HOWEVER...  the boss, has a boss, and incompetence doesn't take long to manifest itself to the powers that be.  Eventually, the powers that be will know who has been making things run.

  

 

Here are two quotes that have helped me learn to keep a clear head when dealing with authority.

(I have a REAL problem with authority by the way)

 

Stupidity is what gets us in trouble, Pride is what keeps us there.

                                                 ~Mark Twain

 

If you sit by the mouth of the river long enough, the heads of your enemies will soon go floating by.

                                               ~ Ancient Chinese Proverb.

 

                                          

Enough for today!  Tomorrow we will cover how to handle the judgmental offender who is simply someone who has some sort of emotional or geographical hold on you, this solution is somewhat easier, but requires you to "grow a set."

 

Tags: Judgemental People, Inspiration, Patience, Respect