A Learning Experience

 

 

We have been talking about judgmental people.  It has been my experience that judgmental people also tend to be paranoid.  I consider myself somewhat of an expert in the area of dealing with judgmental paranoid people.  Three out of the four people I live with have the ailment.  My daughter, the youngest, is still in her formation years and I am hoping I can widen her frame of reference so she will not have to suffer from this disorder.

 

Every now and then a parent is presented with a teaching opportunity.  If you recognize the opportunity and seize the moment, you may just be able to help the child grow.  Last night I was presented with just such an opportunity.

 

Here is the story:

 

August, 31, 2007 Bronx, New York.  My husband Rich, my daughter Emily, and I arrived at Yankee Stadium at about 5:30pm.  My husband has the Friday Night Package which consists of two season tickets to all the Yankee home games that are played on Friday's.  We bought an extra ticket for this game so that we could bring our daughter.  Usually my husband goes with one of his friends, but last night, Emily and I went. 

 

Yankee stadium has a charm to it and most of that charm isn't from the structure of the building, it is from the people who visit, work and play there.  We sit in section 27.  There are a good number of people in this section who also hold Friday Package tickets, so we see the same people again and again.  It's like a family.  The people who sit in this section are a special sort, they like to have fun, they love to cheer the Yankees, they protect their own, they share, they encourage participation and most of all they stick together.

 

I could write a whole story about the people we sit with, and I promise you it would be quite entertaining.  This story is about Emily.  Emily was very happy to be at this game for a number of reasons.  She knew it was the last of the Friday games she would be able to get to.  She also wanted to see a group of guys that she heard tales of from those who have come home raving about.  It's a group of about 4-5 guys who changed the words to the YMCA song. They sing it during the 7th inning stretch.  This is something you can only see if you sit in section 27.  It is quite special, if the video comes out, I promise to share it with you. 

 

The other reason Emily was excited about going is because of a squirrel that recently made Section 27 famous.  Section 27 is lined up right in front of the right field foul pole.  At the beginning of the season, on one particular Friday night, a squirrel decided to watch the game atop the foul pole.  Section 27 being the good natured people that they are, encouraged the squirrel by cheering it every time it moved either up or down said pole.  The little rodent was quite entertaining to watch and apparently it enjoyed the attention of the crowed because it stayed for most of the game.  I think it needed to beat the traffic rush though because it left at the bottom of the 8th inning.

 

On Wednesday night August 29th the little fellow returned and section 27 gave him a warm welcome!  Section 27 can be quite loud, and if you recall I said that they are quite proficient at encouraging participation.  So much so that they were able to get the whole stadium cheering for the squirrel. The crowd drew enough attention to have the film crew covering the game for TV, film the squirrel and continue to check on him throughout the game.  On Thursday night, section 27 came up with an idea that would honor their new mascot.  Each time the pitcher struck someone out, in stead of hanging a "K" on the wall, they hung up a picture of a squirrel!  The film crew captured this for posterity as well.

 

Last night the park was beautiful.  The temperature was perfect, about 70 degrees with a gentle breeze caressing our faces.  The waning moon hung right over Yankee stadium adding to the ambiance and we all sat and waited for the squirrel to arrive!  The Yankees too of course, but we really did hope to see our new found mascot.  We ate our sandwiches, drank our mood enhancers, cheered for the team and waited, and waited and waited.  The little varmint never showed!  Emily was quite disappointed.  She decided that the next best thing was to have her picture taken next to the pole.  The game was just about over and the people sitting by the pole were still there.  I explained to Emily that I would take her picture, but she had to ask the peoples permission as well.   She would have to stand in front of them to take the picture and it would be rude to walk in without permission.

 

Emily went down and asked permission and I took the picture.  I was having camera problems and before I could get a descent shot, she shook her head, waved me away and walked back to me with a devastated look on her face.  She was almost in tears. 

I inquired why, she answered "the people were making fun of me."

"What did they say?" I asked.

"I don't know." she mumbled.

"Then how do you know they were talking about you?"

Stomping back to her seat she grumbled "I just know!"

 

Back at our seats all of section 27 now wanted to know why poor Emily was upset.  I filled the "family" in and a few of them offered to give the folks below an attitude adjustment.  I thanked them and explained that wouldn't be necessary.  I continued to talk to Emily about the situation and tried explaining that the people were most likely not talking about her.  I further explained not only were they not talking about her, they probably didn't even notice her.  She would hear none of it, she was convinced.

 

Now being a non judgmental parent who doesn't have a persecution complex I am not feeding into her paranoia.  This is causing the poor child to get even more upset.  She now feels like she was made fun of and her mother is doing nothing to protect her.  I then seize the moment and take her into a learning experience. 

I turn to Emily and say "Do you want me to go down and talk to them?" 

Pouting, she nod in the affirmative.

"Well, all right then, lets go." I grab her hand and stand. 

My husband turns white and says "Where are you going?" as if he didn't know.

"I'm just going to go down and talk to the people Emily is upset with." I informed him, like I believe he didn't know.

 

I do this sort of thing often and this always worries my husband.  I have no idea why.  I can see the terror on his face.  I know the thoughts running through his head; "She's going to get in a fight"  "She is going to get us kicked out" "She is going to make me miss watching the Yankees loose this game" and so on. This is because he is judgmentally paranoid as well as being a pessimist.  I look at him, pat him on the knee and say "it will be fine."

 

Now Heather, one of the "family," had overheard the conversation, saw the terror stricken look on my husbands face and offers to go with me.  I know the code, Section 27 sticks together, so I said sure.  I like Heather a lot and was happy for the back up.  Now I knew darn well that the people were not making fun of Emily.  I was also relatively certain they weren't even talking about her.  I had no fear going into this situation and I knew when all was said and done it would be a positiveexperience for all.  Emily Heather and I walked down to the people by the foul pole. 

 

The seats behind the people I wanted to speak with were empty so we sat there.  I tapped the man nearest to the pole on the shoulder and said "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure" he replied

In the nicest, most non threatening voice I could muster I said "My daughter was here a few moments ago and she felt that you may have been making fun of her"

"We would never do that!" He answered

"That's what I told her." I agreed. "Thank You!"

 

I was just about to get up to leave, when a woman sitting with them turns on attitude and says to the woman next to her and says "I don't believe this!"

"Believe what?" I asked

"That you came down here and accused us of making fun of your daughter!" was her retort.

"I'm sorry" I said.  "That was not my intention.  I didn't think that for one moment, but my daughter did.  I am trying to teach my daughter that more often then not people are not talking about her.  Additionally, I wanted to teach her that it is important to talk to people to find out what the truth is.  I want her to learn that it is important to communicate with people if you feel hurt or upset.  I also wanted her to learn that you can do this politely.  I am very sorry if I offended you."

"Wow, that's really cool!" she understood and went on to explain that they were talking about the squirrel and all the attention the section has been getting. 

 

We had a great conversation and then went back to our seats.  Emily felt better, Heather was impressed, Rich was relieved and I felt certain that my daughter had learned an important lesson.

 

The lesson: Try to avoid being judgmental.  If you can't, at least ask before you shoot.

Tags: Yankees, Squirrl, Inspiration, BELIEVE, Hope, Lessons