Dealing With The Judgmentally Reformed
These are the people who frown upon your behavior because they no longer engage in said behavior. These types of people could be reformed alcoholics, drug users, smokers, over eaters, workaholics, etc. They get preachy and will use whatever method necessary to get you to listen to them. They and can get overly demonstrative in their zeal to convert you to their beliefs and they may also resort to embarrassing you in public.
This type of judgmental person is particularly difficult to manage. They often make valid points, however they are projecting their needs on to you. It isn't that what they are saying is incorrect, it just doesn't apply to you.
When engaging with this person, remember they are healing. In offering their opinion they are simply trying to help themselves. The more they share their opinion, the more it reminds them that they are still healing.
If you can listen with an understanding ear and remember that their issues do not affect you, then you will be able to avoid being insulted. However, you may also want to change the topic. The more one focuses on ones recovery, the longer they stay in "recovery" mode, instead of moving into a "recovered" state of mind. It is important to gently guide them to finding other things to focus on. Replace recovery with forward movement and future successes.
Dealing with people in recovery can feel like a huge responsibility. It is important to remember that you nor I are trained therapists or counselors. I could go on for days with this one but it comes down to this.
1. Remember that this person is healing and still struggling with a demon.
2. Remember that they are not necessarily accusing you, as much as they are trying to remind them selves.
3. Try to stee the conversation in another direction.
4. Try to avoid behavior that will spark their desire to revisit their addiction or demon.
5. If necessary, monitor their behavior. Perhaps they are seeking therapy, but do not know how to ask.
3 comments:
I've been pretty good at steering conversations in another direction. It helps that everybody knows me as the random ADD type chick...LOL Haaaaa....there's a method to my madness!
::hug hug hug::
~Amy
I consider this group as the "misery loves company" folks and some of the most intolerble judgers. Steering the conversation away is the ONLY way to keep peace and ones own sanity.
~Donna
I understand the genesis of your thoughts here but don't completely agree. I think many times they're just anxious for you to feel some of what they do, the reclaiming of their lives from whatever held sway over them. It's a form of consideration many times expressed in a pushy, preachy way, but perhaps that should remain in our interpretation and not explanation, of behavior. CATHY
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