Learning.

If I ride my motorcycle to my office and I want a cup of coffee I have to walk two blocks to get it.  I love the walk.  Gives me a few minutes break to clear my mind.  Learning popped into my mind.  I was trying to think of a topic to cover this week and various journal/blog posts have been touching on the same thing... learning.  Some spoke of back to school, others of lessons their children are learning the hard way, and others wondering if their children will ever learn.

So, this week shall be about learning.

As I was walking, I thought mostly about how hard it is being a child.  I believe it is more difficult now then it was when I was a child, but all in all, childhood is hard!

One of the posts I came across that really highlighted this to me was Marlene over at "One Day At A Time" who wrote :   I am watching Michael Phelps and his mother  being interviewed.  He is telling stories of how he was always bullied and picked on throughout his life.  Well  to everyone that picked on this kid,  he can finally say "PFFFFT."

I didn't get to see this interview but I wish I had.  As I watched Michael being interviewed after his race's I was touched by his humility, grace and thankfulness.  He was so sincere.  I thought to myself that this kind of genuine response is something that often times is learned the hard way.  According to Marlene it seems I was correct.

It is unfortunate that children often times are the brunt of others cruelty.  Many schools are trying to institute programs to correct it however, it is unlikely that we will ever live in a perfect world and be completely free of bullying. 

I believe the key lies in not only teaching children not to bully others, but in teaching children how to handle bullying as well.

From the look and sound of it, it seems Michael Phelps mom did a pretty good job of it.  It is not an easy process and takes years.   As a young mother I wanted to protect my children from the cruelty of others words. I did not want them to have to suffer like I had to.   Little did I know that I would have a father in law that would undermine this at every turn. (I remember once he asked my two year old son when he was going to grow up.)  I would not be able to escape this. 

I quickly learned that it would be impossible to protect my children from the cruelty of others, but I was able to teach them what I learned on how to deal with it.  When the boys learned how to do this, they were better equipped when they went to school and the children's words had less of an effect on them.  I found it was more difficult to help my daughter with this then it was my sons as girls tend to be more emotional, however, she learned also.

So, how do you teach a child to deal with others cruelty.  Here are some suggestions.

1.  Access what the other is saying.

Is there any truth to it?  If there is... perhaps you need to change your behavior.  Children are brutally honest and often times don't know of a nice way to say something.  Sometimes we need to change our behavior.  If not, acknowledge that there is nothing wrong with you and move on.

 

2.  Find your happy place. 

(They were always surprised at how well this one worked.)  Ignore them.  Don't listen. Don't respond.  They want you to be upset and respond.  If you don't.  They will stop.

 

3.  Do not drop down to their level.

Do not respond to them by insulting them or putting them down.  Do not join in if they are being mean to others.  Do what you can to help others who are being treated cruelly.

 

4.  Understand where they are coming from.

Many times cruelty stems from something that has nothing to do with the person one is being cruel to.  Understanding that ones cruelty towards you really has nothing to do with you, and all to do with them, can go a long way in dealing with the word and actions that you experience.  It won't stop the person being cruel.  It will change how your respond to it.

 

5.  Talk it out.

Sometimes the pain hurts so much that you can't even think straight to do any of the above.  That's OK too.  Come home and talk about it.  Cry about it.  Yell about it.  Once you are through that front door of your house, you have found sanctuary.  Here you are loved and we will help heal the pain.