More on "Judgey" people

More on the "Judgey People"

 

The judgmental come in all shapes, sizes, colors and genders.  They come in categories as well.  Many of them gravitate towards one category, but that does not mean they do not wander vicariously into others.  When dealing with the judgmental it is often helpful to imagine you are a director on a movie set and ask yourself "what's their motivation?"  Knowing what their motivation is will help you to decide what your next move is.

 

Yesterday I discussed the various categories their motivation comes from and I would like to discuss each category in depth. 

 

Before I do that however I would like to say something important about the "judgey people" in general.  Unfortunately the ones who seem to feel the most entitled to share their opinion with us are those we love and or trust the most.  This is why their judgmental opinions are highly caustic and at times emotionally devastating. 

 

In general we want these people to think the best of us at all times, or at the very least give us the benefit of the doubt.  Judgmental people tend to jump to conclusions, shoot first, ask questions later and worst of all think the worst of us before knowing all the details.  When coming from someone whose opinion we thought we respected, or from someone we love dearly the emotional wounds can cut deeply, and often leave nasty scars.

 

Here are some quick first aid tips for dealing with these types of people:

 

1.  Access what they are saying to you.  This step is important because usually we feel that there is some truth in what the person said.  Think about what they said, is there any truth to it whatsoever? 

 

~ If so, is it something that you agree with?  If you agree there is some truth to the opinion, you have the option of addressing it on your own, or asking for more input from the person who offered their opinion.  If the person offered their opinion in a manner that was offensive with you, you have the obligation to yourself to let the person know that they were disrespectful to you.  Let them know also that in the future they should find a more positive way to share their feelings with you.

 

~  If their opinion was a big bucket of hogwash, you have all sorts of options open to you, first and foremost, give yourself a pep-talk!  You are allowed to be your own best friend.  Remind yourself of all the reasons the offensive behavior isn't true.

 

2.  Protection.  Often times the people who are most offensive to us are those closest to us.  The saying  "The best defense is a good offense" goes a long way here.  Find ways to avoid discussions and occasions where the Judgmental will feel the need to share their opinion.  If the opportunity doesn't present itself, then there will be no prospect for a judgmental decision.

 

3. Set Boundaries  Remember you do have the right to respectfully let people know that you are not interested in their opinion and would like it if they keep it to themselves.  This gets difficult when it is an elder such as a parent, aunt, uncle, or grandparent.  You are however a grown adult and as long as they are no longer providing you food, shelter and clothing, you really do not have to allow them to attack your self-esteem.  You can respectfully ask them to either stop sharing their opinion all together or ask them to find a more positive way of presenting it.

 

4.  Use a bit of Irish Diplomacy:  "Tell them to go to hell so that they look forward to the trip" or "Tell them to go copulate with themselves.  VIGOROUSLY!"

 

Reader Beware: The Blogs that follow will have topics that are meant to challenge you.  The idea behind them is to help you deal with judgmental people.  They also may challenge your own judgmental side.  Various topics will be presented that may truly test your limits. Consider it an exercise.  An exercise that I hope you will enjoy.

Tags: Judgmental People, Inspiration, Rights, Action, Tolerance