"Judgey" week with Rosemary

Judgey Week with Rosemary:

 

I would like to give a special thanks to Mary from "Just Mary" for naming this week "Judgy Week with Rosemary."  Mary has a gift with words that she thoughtfully shares with us in her Blog http://journals.aol.com/frankandmary/JustMary/.  I love the term "Judgey" and I pirated it from her.  Thank You Mary!

 

Dealing with Judgmental People

 

Judgmental people can be among the most challenging individuals to deal with.  They seem to believe that their own personal beliefs apply to all.  They also believe it is their mission to educate and enforce said beliefs without regard to others feelings.

 

I grew up and lived with more then my fair share of judgmental people.  Besides, kids, family, and neighbors, I had a Mom that could have written a book on how to be judgmental.  Fortunately she didn't apply it me and me alone, oh no, she shared the misery with all!  She thought that if you did not agree with her opinion, you were dirt. 

 

Here is a small anecdote to illustrate the situation: My mother always had short hair and for as long as she could, she made me keep my hair short.  When I was thirteen she no longer had control over my hair and I let it grow.  She never stopped reminding me that she liked my hair better shorter.  The night before she died I was visiting her in the hospital.  She had just finished complaining about the nursing staff, (another long judgmental story) when I was saying good-bye to her.  The last words out of her mouth were "I like you hair much better when it's short, you should cut it."  Those were thelast words I remember my mother speaking to me.

 

Dealing with Judgmental people can be stressful and painful; however, if you are equipped with the proper tools, it can actually become entertaining.

 

The first step to dealing with Judgmental people is to put them in their proper category.  I have found that "Judgey" types of people fall into five categories.

 

They are as follows:

 

1.  The Ignorant and/or Lazy:  These are the type of people who are either completely uninformed, or accept the opinion or teachings of others without any real knowledge or research.  These people never question the rules and are the first to say "that's not fair!"  They assault you with their personal beliefs and have the uncanny ability to make you feel worthless, even though you know they are horribly wrong in their assessment.

 

2.  The "Holier Then Thou:  These are the people who truly believe they are better then everyone else.  These are the people who know the rules forwards and backwards. They believe they follow the rules to the letter and that everyone else should do the same, with no exceptions. They know the right way to do everything, and they also believe it is the only way to do everything.  It works for them so it should work the same for everyone else.  These people present themselves as caring.  They believe that what they are doing or saying is for your own good.  They honestly believe that what they are doing or saying is important and that you will thank them later for saving you from yourself.

 

3. The Reformed:  These are the people who frown upon your behavior because they no longer engage in said behavior.  These types of people could be reformed alcoholics, drug users, smokers, over eaters, workaholics, etc.  They get preachy and will use whatever method necessary to get you to listen to them.  They and can get overly demonstrative in their zeal to convert you to their beliefs and they may also resort to embarrassing you in public.

 

4. The offended: This type of person is jealous or they take personal offense to whatever behavior they are judging you for.  They tend to either shun you or talk behind your back.  Dealings with this type usually are from a third person.  They tend to have a bit of paranoia and low self esteem.

 

5. The Prejudice:  This last group is a combination of all of the above and can be created in two ways.  One, they were brought up to be prejudiced.  Two, they were a victim of circumstance.  These people either had their belief drummed into them at a very early and impressionable age; or they experienced events or situations that seemed to support a belief or stereotype held by their family or social group.

 

Over the next several days I will break down each group with more specific behaviors, and offer ideas on how to deal effectively with each type. 

Tags: Judgmental People, Frustration, Inspiration,