I had known John previously and always thought he was a wonderful boy, but he really endeared himself to my heart when I came to know him as he worked with my kids. He was patient, kind, and attentive to the boys. I became friendly with his mom and always complimented her for raising such a wonderful boy. I even mentioned that I hoped that my children would grow up as nicely.
About 2 years later John had dropped out of high school and had gotten involved with drugs. He has a wonderful supportive family and I am happy to say that John is now a full time athlete and is no longer using drugs.
I did however ask his mother a very powerful question, one I would not have felt comfortable asking if we hadn't become so friendly and if she didn't know how much I cared for John. I asked her "why do you think this happened?" She knew exactly why it happened and didn't hesitate to answer. She explained "John indeed was a very good boy with a big and loving heart. This made it difficult to discipline him and make him suffer the consequences. What went wrong Rosemary? I never let him experience the negative consequences of his actions."
As parents this is the most difficult thing we must do. Allow our children to suffer. We want so much to protect them and not to feel any pain, but in order to grow, sometimes pain and suffering is necessary. They younger they learn, the less painful it will be for them when they get older. If they suffer small defeats when they are young, they can learn to avoid big defeats when grow up.
6 comments:
Yep; I can see that happening; we need to let them face the consequences and remember there is a consequence to anything done wrong and have them "face the music".
great entry; so glad "John" turned his life back around!
betty
I wonder if you realize how many people you inspire. My granddaughter, now 10 going on 20 has got a bad case of rolling her eyes when Mom or I give advise. She also has started talking back to her mom quite a bit. My advise to my daughter has been "don't just ground her, make her feel it". I just read your entry to her and told her that you were the smartest woman I know (next to me of course) and we had a nice talk about how to deal with Jackie. Thank you.
Hugs, Joyce
I totally agree, they need to 'feel' the consequences but it is hard as aparent to hurt our children (i don't mean physically). I have run out of discipline that gets through to my 6 yr old, time out, loose toys/pocket money/outings.... all stopped working! Thanks for the entry.take care mrs t xx
http://journals.aol.co.uk/mleppard06/eternity/
http://thelilacdiary.blogspot.com/
*********indeed was a very good boy with a big and loving heart. This made it difficult to discipline him and make him suffer the consequences. ******** ~~~>>This is EXACTLY what would come out of my mouth about Bradley. Scarey.
Well I made here, now it's catch up time while I wait for Scott to pick me up for lunch ;)
Hugs
Ang
I almost dislike saying this, but I wish my father had allowed me to experience the consequences of my teenage acts instead of cleaning them up. Yet I can't question his motives, so it's a 2-edged sword I guess. In the meantime, happy St Valentine's Day!! XOXO CATHY
I agree! When I stopped protecting my daughter from the consequences of her actions, she thought I didn't love her or want her. I told her simply you made the bed, your laying in it. I won't let you fall, but you are going to learn to fly on your own and live with your choices. (Hugs) Indigo
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